


Radio Silence

by beer_good



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Crossover, Interns & Internships, M/M, Minor Character Death, Silence, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-10
Updated: 2013-11-10
Packaged: 2018-01-01 02:51:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1039479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beer_good/pseuds/beer_good
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Gentlemen drop by Night Vale. This poses something of a problem for a radio host who depends on his voice to communicate. Not to mention for the people in town who aren't too keen on having their hearts cut out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Radio Silence

**Title:** Radio Silence  
 **Author:** Beer Good  
 **Fandom:** Buffy/Welcome To Night Vale. Spoilers for ep 30 of WTNV, and season 4 of BtVS.  
 **Rating:** PG13  
 **Word count:** ~1500  
 **Characters/Pairings:** Cecil/Carlos, Dana  
 **Warnings:** Violence, character death  
 **Summary:** The Gentlemen drop by Night Vale. This poses something of a problem for a radio host who depends on his voice to communicate. Not to mention for the people in town who aren't too keen on having their hearts cut out.

**Radio Silence**

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the crisscrossing, interlocking, violently conflicting paths of other equally righteous men. Welcome to Night Vale.

 

 

Dear listeners,

It's a beautiful fall day here in Night Vale. The leaves are turning a lovely deep red on the trees, the desert winds howl around the house as if to tell us that they want to embrace and love us, and the evenings are accompanied by the sound of geese flying south for the winter. At least we think they're geese. With the permanent midnight that's hung over our little town for the last two weeks, it's hard to tell exactly what those things are flying over us, except that the noises they make are not remotely human. The City Council would like to remind us all that the calls of the geese are definitely not invitations to join them, and that anyone feeling the need to leave town and move south is heartily invited to report to City Hall for unrelocation.

I have some exciting news about Intern Dana. As you'll recall, Dana was trapped in the Dog Park a few months ago. Despite this she was able to survive... somehow... and recently managed to find an exit. Unfortunately, that exit was in the House That Does Not Exist, which according to Carlos - who is mister Grumpypants in the morning, so take it with a pinch of salt - should simply not be possible, since, well, it doesn't exist. If it does exist, he says while adding two lumps of sugar to his tea in that way he does where he holds the sugar in the tea to let it soak before dropping it, which really is a bit annoying, then it exists on some other plane of existence. An alternate dimension?, I ask, to which he stirs his tea and smiles in that way he has, that seems to say I can never know exactly what he's thinking but that's OK, and says that a year ago he would have laughed at the idea of an alternate dimension but now he finds it a perfectly reasonable explanation, and he's getting used to a lot of things here in Night Vale. Then he -

But enough about our petty domestic squabbles. Anyway, where was I? That's right! Dana has been leaving me phone messages again. Somehow. She claims to have found a spot where the reception is good enough that she should be able to call me and talk directly to me, live on the air, and tell the whole story of where she has been and what she is up to. I don't know about you, listeners, but I for one am very excited to get to hear from her again. More on that later in the show.

We've received a letter from Old Woman Josie, Out Near The Car Lot. I love hearing from Josie, don't you, listeners? Anyway, she writes that ... let's see, terrible danger, omens and portents, nightmarish visions of - ah, there's a poem! Isn't that nice? Let's see:

> Can't even shout, can't even cry.  
>  The Gentlemen are coming by.  
>  Looking in windows, knocking on doors  
>  They need to take seven and they might take yours  
>  Can't call to mom, can't say a word  
>  You're gonna die screaming but you won't be heard.

  
Well, listeners, I'm not an expert on poetry, but I have to say, well done Josie. Of course, this year's Poetry Week is still several months away, but I say there's no need to limit our exposure to high art to one particular week every year. I won't claim to know exactly what Josie wants to say with this, but I h-

 

 

Hhhhh

Hhhhh

 

 

*tap tap*  
*tap tap*

 

 

 

*ring ring*  
 _Cecil?_  
 _Are you there?_  
 _It's me, Dana._  
 _I don't know where I am. It is a world like ours, but not._  
 _I don't think I have much time._  
 _Cecil?_  
 _There seems to be a bad line, I heard you pick up but I can't hear you. I will try to call you back as soon as I get a chance._  
 _Bye for now._

 

 

 

-.. . .- .-. .-.. .. ... - . -. . .-. ... --..-- .. .... .- ...- . ... ..- -.. -.. . -. .-.. -.-- .-.. --- ... - -- -.-- ...- --- .. -.-. . .-.-.- .-.. ..- -.-. -.- .. .-.. -.-- .. -.- -. --- .-- -- --- .-. ... . -.-. --- -.. . --..-- ... --- .. ..-. .- -. -.-- --- -. . --- ..- - - .... . .-. . -.-. .- -. -....-

 

 

 

 

 

**Dear citizens of Night Vale,**   
**This is a recorded message, set to play automatically in case there's more than one minute of dead air.**   
**We are currently having technical difficulties of an unspecified nature.**   
**Please stand by.**   
**Do not be alarmed.**   
**Everything is, or will soon be, or will soon be remembered as, perfectly normal.**   
**Stand by for further instructions.**   
**Do not turn off your radios.**

 

 

 

Ladies and gentlemen  
Cecil here  
I seem to have  
Lost  
My  
Voice  
And I am  
Cutting  
This  
Together from  
Tapes of  
Previous  
Broadcasts  
Word  
For  
Word

 

 

 

The radio  
Must not be  
Silent

 

 

Intern  
Gil-  
-Bert  
Has also lost  
His  
Voice

 

 

I tried using  
Morse  
Code  
But apparently  
That is now  
The exclusive and sacred privilege  
Of  
The eternal scouts

 

 

If anyone out there  
Can help  
Me  
Continue the broadcast  
The radio  
Must not be  
Silent  
Must not be  
Silent  
Or else

 

 

Ladies and  
Gentlemen  
Gentlemen

 

 

I am just getting reports now  
That everyone in Night Vale  
Has lost  
Their  
Voice  
Even the  
Mysterious hooded figures  
Even the  
Screaming Vortex In The Dairy Section Of Ralph's that occasionally sucks in shoppers looking for discount cream  
Has stopped screaming

 

 

We urge you to stay calm  
There is no need to panic

 

 

I am just getting reports now, of  
Mysterious  
Figures  
But not  
Hooded

 

 

There is someone  
At the door  
Intern  
Gil-  
-Bert  
Has gone  
To answer

 

 

Oh god  
Oh god  
Oh god

 

 

Listeners  
I cannot describe

 

 

Mysterious  
Figures  
But not  
Hooded  
Smiling  
Floating  
Unfailingly polite  
Cutting  
Out  
Intern  
Gil-  
-Bert  
's  
Heart  
He  
Cannot  
Call for help  
I dare not  
Help  
Him

 

 

I am just getting reports now, of  
This is happening  
All over town  
Gentlemen  
Cutting  
Out  
The hearts  
Of  
Their helpless victims  
Who  
Cannot  
Call for help  
Who  
Cannot  
Scream

 

 

They are  
Waving  
At  
Me  
Through the window  
To the  
Recording booth  
Tapping on  
The window  
Of the  
Recording booth  
Smiling  
Well dressed  
Unfailingly polite  
Their hands  
Dripping with the blood of the innocent

 

 

I have  
Locked  
The door

 

 

The City Council has issued a statement saying there is no need to panic

 

 

So that's nice

 

 

Listeners  
I just got a  
Text  
From  
Carlos  
Perfect, beautiful Carlos  
He says  
He is going to investigate  
And try  
To stop  
These monsters

 

 

I am concerned

 

 

I am concerned  
I am concerned  
I am concerned  
I am concerned  
Gentlemen

 

 

Carlos  
Come home  
I must tell you  
I want to  
Come  
Find you  
But  
The radio  
Must not be  
Silent

 

 

I am concerned

 

 

Meanwhile, dear listeners  
We take you now to The Weather

 

 

 

 

 

[instrumental]

 

*ring ring*  
 _Cecil?_  
 _Are you there?_  
 _It's me, Dana._  
 _Please answer me. I don't know how much longer I will be able to -_  
 _There are things here, Cecil._  
 _Things that move._  
 _Things that are here, but at the same time, are not._  
 _I think they_  
 _Cecil, I -_  
 _No! Get away from me! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_  
*dial tone*

 

 

Ladies and gentlemen, we are back. I am pleased to report that thanks to the intervention of our very own intern, Dana, the monsters that stole our voices and tried to cut out the hearts of seven Night Vale citizens are now dead. Apparently, since she is in an alternate dimension, the spell that silenced Night Vale did not affect her, and her scream, broadcast over the radio, was enough to blow them up in a quite spectacular way.

Carlos just phoned me to tell me that he is all right and he promises to be right home as soon as he's done cleaning up this unfortunate mess. That is all that matters right now. He tells me that thanks to Dana's bravery, the Gentlemen only managed to kill four of the seven people they would have if she hadn't stepped in. This is what a hero is, ladies and gentlemen: someone who, when the chips are down, isn't afraid to speak up and call a monster a monster. So thank you, Dana, and please call again as soon as you can.

Please.

We also offer our heartfelt condolences to the family of Intern Gilbert, who gave his life to keep Night Vale Community Radio on the air in this time of crisis. Our hearts go out to... I mean, our thoughts are with you.

The City Council has issued a statement, thanking all citizens for not panicking in this unusual situation, and recommending that they all make an extra sacrifice at their bloodstone circle in gratitude of their good fortune.

Dear listeners, as I gaze out on Night Vale this evening, still covered by the darkness of eternal midnight, I can see things returning to our regular routine. The Screaming Vortex In The Dairy Section Of Ralph's has once again begun screaming, the mysterious helicopters are flying again, and the mysterious hooded figures have already been seen rounding up schoolchildren and the elderly, herding them into the Dog Park in order to play their part in the traditional thanksgiving ceremonies.

Once again, Night Vale, we have shown the value of being a community, and remaining calm under pressure. Everything is, or will soon be, or will soon be remembered as, perfectly normal.

Goodnight, Night Vale. Goodnight.


End file.
